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It’s also easy to build up a fantasy of what someone is like when you’re long distance.
“The weekend didn’t live up to your expectations—but what really happened is that this guy didn’t live up to the expectations that you had created over the prior few months,” says Lissa Coffey, relationship expert and author of Her take: “I used a dating site a few years ago and was linked up with someone that didn't have a photo on his profile.
D., co-author of Her take: “The first guy I dated when I moved to New York let me take care of him, which I thought would lead to a relationship.
I was doing things for him like baking cookies, redecorating his place, and having lots of sex, but I found out he had no intention of commitment at all.” -Kate, 28.
Those who use phrases similar to “hoping to be friends first” are usually looking for fun rather than commitment, says Laurie Davis, founder and CEO of e Flirt Expert, and author of You can also weed out the casual sex seekers by looking at the context around your planned date: Is he willing to set up a date for a week or so later?
We found 10 women in your situation and asked experts to give their insights on what happened so you can dodge future dating disasters.
If the date feels like a hook-up, that’s probably what he’s seeking.
To be sure you don’t give the wrong impression, “set a date for the future, and make it the right time of day and place so the intention of getting to know each other is there in the beginning,” recommends Ian Kerner, Ph.
“The more there’s courtship and the guy is pursuing a woman he’s interested in, the more powerful the reward is of actually being with that person is.
If a guy gets everything up front, it’s quite possible his interest and that reward mechanism aren’t going to kick into gear,” Kerner explains.